FIVE Hidden Sexual Problems Between Couples (2)
The quality of sex usually depends on how positive two people feel about each other.
There is plenty of scientific evidence to show that good sex not only adds great enjoyment to our lives, it also improves our health and may even contribute to our longevity.
But many people don't even have any sex regularly, let alone good sex! In his book, Sexual Healing, Dr Paul Pearsall claims that the joys and pleasures of life and loving may provide something called an 'intimacy inoculation' which actually protects us from disease.
Dr Pearsall, who cites numerous other researchers, concludes, "Growing numbers of physicians now recognise that the health of the human heart depends not only on such factors as genetics, diet and exercise, but also - to a large extent - on the social and emotional health of the individual.
We are tempted to believe that making love is just doing what comes 'naturally', but, shrouded in secrecy, embarrassment and social conventions, sex is sometimes anything but 'natural'.
It can be a very awkward process for the uninitiated and the naive.
Feeling insecure or inexperienced, we often carry the myths and rumours (due to ignorance), or the characteristics and expectations of the previous sexual experience, to the next encounter.
This sometimes has disastrous results, especially when every partner is different in his/her preferences.
There are also many things about sex we do not know.
Many people think that having sex is merely penetrative and conducted at a set time of the day or in a set room, but one author suggests, which I agree with, that when people feel deeply close while merely holding hands, they are actually having sex too, in a different form.
When they show care for each other through hugs, caresses, and kissing, they are also having a satifying sexual connection.
When two people in a crowded room gaze lovingly at each other in their own secret way, they are engaging in sex play, and all these simple forms of tactile sex can be most arousing and emotionally fulfilling.
This constant anxiety, particularly about our sexual expertise, haunts us because, if done well, the act of sex generates the most positive feelings towards our partners.
In effect, it 'makes love' and making love is usually a natural, emotional experience and a crucial part of any relationship.
Rarely is it just a physically pleasurable act, regardless of some people's attempt to reduce its significance by putting it on a par with, perhaps, eating food! Without it, our species would come to an end and so nature finds the most ingenious ways of linking up men and women to ensure our survival.